"[T]he Delaware campaign has . . . figures to show how to make the conversion from a brick and motor to a point and click school system."

The Associated Press

Political RSVP to Our Children

BALTIMORE - AP

Presidential hopeful Frank Delaware met a mixed response from the Association of Elementary and Preschool teachers today as he unveiled his "Tough It Out" proposal to revamp primary education.

"Mr. Delaware certainly has a good many ideas about education," said school proctor Jacob Lawrens, "but I can't condone auctioning off the school building and holding class outdoors." Lawrens complains that though Mr. Delaware claims to advocate children's proposals unrealistic.

Mr. Delaware received cheers from the children, however, as he cried, "No more sitting in a desk, no more carpet burns and nap times. Outside, outside, let's take it outside."

Teachers dominated the question and answer session, grilling Frank Delaware on his own schooling background and his credentials on education. Time and again, Mr. Delaware returned to the notion that the point of education has become lost in bureaucracy, "I'm sending my kids to Hooshla University. Now if you don't think that's online, then what is online?" Frank Delaware used this question to launch the most aggressive, and some say simple-minded, aspect of his plan.

"We have poured many pounds of cash and valuables into the physical plant, I don't see the return. America is electric; electric America needs, demands, and will have a virtual classroom." Though Mr. Delaware has not yet advocated liquidating primary school's material assets (including school buildings and equipment) an anonymous source inside the Delaware campaign has suggested that they are now working on figures to show how to make the conversion from brick and motor to point and click school system.

Other highlights of Frank Delaware's Educate America plan include a bright and early start to school at 5 AM, the forty hour learning week, and "cash-and-carry" a program to teach pre-teen entrepreneurship by awarding every student with a variable sum of money for delivering high-priority parcels to neighborhood locations.

When faced with the question, "Frank are you running for President?" Mr. Delaware responded to the second grade girl, "Woman, you tell me."

"I'm not impressed," said school superintendent Flavia LaRouche, "Mr. Delaware is just like either of the other two presidential candidates."

(I like Mr. Delaware.)